“She’s a whore and a drunk”; that was the first thing *Amanda said just as *Sandra was approaching our table. Sandra greeted us and continued on her way. It wasn’t that what Amanda had said about Sandra was wrong because She did not hide what she did or pretended about it but the question lingering in my heart was “why would such a beautiful and smart young woman decide to live her life wild partying, smoking and drinking heavily and the moment she is drunk she sleeps with any man available around her at the time?!!
Sandra is from a rich home and has things that are considered “the finer things of life” yet she would sleep with men anytime, anywhere. Her problem is obviously not money and her parents are still married so we can’t say she’s from a broken home.I felt so sad for her because she’s a very intelligent young woman with such huge talents but she chose to live her life that way even when she is obviously unhappy. I couldn’t wrap my head around this until someone told me why she turned out the way she is.
Sandra had been raped from the age of 3 till she was 13 by her Uncle (her father’s brother) and by the time she finally opened up and told her Parents about it, they shut her up and told her to never say such a thing again and forbade her to tell anyone, lest she bring shame to their family name. Her parents did not only disbelieve her, they also became suspicious of her every move. If they saw her with a boy, she was disgraced and thoroughly beaten and called a prostitute. One time when she was in high school, a boy came to look for her at home and her mother went to her to her school to report to the school that she was sleeping with boys in the neighborhood. She was beaten before the whole school on the assembly ground and thoroughly disgraced. She grew into a young woman who deeply hated her parents, men and herself. Once I overheard her say she hated her parents so much if she had the chance she would kill them and I was shocked, now I understood why.
People like Sandra are carrying around so much deep seated pain but wearing a facade or “I don’t care what the world thinks about me” and the world thinks the worst of them. They are looking for people who will care enough to show genuine love and not take them for granted again. They want someone to love them but act like they don’t need anyone. Some like Sandra choose to fill their live with things that would numb the pain for a while and make them feel like their world is alright, things like sex, drugs, wild partying, etc.
I do not think anyone just decides they want to become prostitutes, thieves or murderers. When you were young and you were asked what you want to be when you grew up, you would have said a doctor, a lawyer, an engineer, a banker or a newscaster. “I want to become a thief, prostitute or a fraudster” no one said.
Life happens to everyone whether you are ready for it or not, and it most cases we are caught unawares. I am not a psychologist or anything and I don’t have the solutions to the world’s problems but I know love can go a long way in saving and helping people. This doesn’t also mean we should wallow in self pity and refuse to take charge of our lives or be put down by the judgmental attitude of people. Life your head up no matter how hard and live again because you can and the bible says “you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you”.
The only reason we are Christians is because God risked his son Jesus’ life and died for us at a time he wasn’t even sure we would respond to that love and even till date just a few people truly really accepted and acknowledged the power of his sacrifice and love. Love can touch the deepest part an individual that they keep hidden from even themselves.
Instead of judging and condemning people for their actions lets instead give them the benefit of the doubt. I know some of us have been hurt in the process of trying to help someone hurting but that’s where you need to remember that as much as you want to change them you are not God and you can never be him. When you have tried all your best humanly speaking and its seems they are unyielding then leave them to God but continue to pray for them. Life happens and we can get weary in well doing but we can never stop praying for others.
As much as Sandra acts like she doesn’t need anyone, I got even closer to her after I heard her story and in time she opened up to me and is getting better, I can only pray God touches and heal her wounded heart. Love and pray for others instead of gossiping, condemning and judging them, it would go a long way even if they don’t know you.
Mandela was a man who suffered a great deal because of the love he had for his nation and people, he wanted freedom for his fellow countrymen and went all out for it. He went to jail for 27 years but came out better instead of bitter. He was a man of integrity and exemplary leadership who believed in love for your fellow human no matter their condition, status or the color of their skin. He was called Papa Africa and recognized globally as a man who stood up for the oppressed and down trodden.
In his word here are some of his quotes I love:
- “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.”
― Nelson Mandela
- “No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”
― Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom
- “I am not a saint, unless you think of a saint as a sinner who keeps on trying.”
― Nelson Mandela
- “Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.”
― Nelson Mandela
Rest in peace Nelson Mandela, generations unborn will still feel your impact…
P.S :- *Sandra and *Amanda are not their real names.